This post was started on the 16th. I have a lot of conflicting thoughts and emotions about me today. I know that I should be happy with my new room and house, but I’m not. All that I can think of is how trapped and exposed I feel.
I should also stop procrastinating and spend more time working on my course. However, every time I do so, my anxiety peaks, as the comments that my instructor made about the assignments I did for her leap into my mind, and discourage me further. She said that my language on a certain piece was too formal, and then I thought, “well, that’s okay because I am not planning to write much non-fiction anyway”. Though, I got really anxious when I saw what she had to say about the short story that I wrote. She said my story didn’t work, and that I was trying to fit a novel into a short story format. I felt like she was saying, “Hey Andre, guess what. You failed again. Way to go!” Now, I know that this is probably only in my head, but still I’m hesitant because I put a lot of effort and time into my writing. I wouldn’t submit something that I thought was half-decent, so it evokes the question of am I really a good writer?
I know that I shouldn’t care what people think about me but I find it hard not to. I have all these dreams, desires and aspirations that I want to achieve, and I worry that I won’t succeed because people generally do not accept me. I am afraid that their attitudes toward me will stop me from having the life I want. However, I’m not going to let that happen!
I am going to take things one day at a time. I’m going to be like Kurt from Glee, and say, “Look, this is who I am, this is what I do, and I refuse to be bullied or brought down because of it.”
I am just as much of a person as anyone, and we all have the right to live and express ourselves the way we want. Furthermore, if we are not infringing upon other people’s right, then there shouldn’t be a problem. I think that this is important to remember, especially in light of the Occupy movements and with all the talk about the US wanting to place restrictions on the internet.