One Step Forward and Two Steps Back

So, for awhile now, people (my parents and OTs) have wanted me to get a hospital bed, and I’ve always refused. I don’t want a hospital bed because it’d make me feel more disabled than I already am. I feel like it would affirm that I will never be able to achieve my goals. I would just be stuck in bed forever, and never have the life I want – the life that I’m working hard to get to. It seems like every time that I get closer to succeeding in living my dream life, something happens to negate the progress I make.

I feel like I’m taking one step forward but then two steps back. This is extremely frustrating, and it’s why I was so mad when I was forced into “trying” the hospital bed that I am presently using. Then on Wednesday, my parents said that they are going to buy me my own hospital bed, which just made me even more pissed off because I really do not want one, plus it isn’t me choosing to get the bed. However, I’ve decided not to fight with my mum and dad over the hospital bed anymore. I realized that a bed won’t determine my success, nor will the letter that I got yesterday from the Centre for Independent Living in Toronto which said that they have taken me off their waiting list. I determine whether or not I’ll succeed. It is up to me, and what I believe is possible for me.

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